Qualifications

I.

A while back, I made some disparaging remarks about cake mix. It wasn't very well done of me, really, and it was a little disingenuous considering that there are two cake mix recipes that I use all the time, and the one for coffeecake is so darn good that I've been accused of buying it from a bakery. My Midwestern work ethic says that a store-bought cake and a cake mix are pretty much the same thing (and that both are somehow morally -- yes, morally -- inferior to their counterparts that call for fresh hand-churned butter; I'm only kind of kidding), so it was a shock that someone would consider a cake too good to be homemade.

But don't despair, this isn't about my -- or anyone's -- twisted psyche, it's about cake. This cake, to be exact.
It’s from the Willing Workers' Extension Cookbook -- I think my aunt Janet submitted it -- and is called Hospital Coffee Cake. An odd name, I know, but I have a couple of theories about that. 1) The cake is so blissful it has, if not healing properties exactly, definitely restorative and fortifying ones, like a swig of whiskey, for medicinal purposes, before bed-- or is it breakfast? Not that I do that. But I have heard that some people's grandmas do; not mine, though, as far as I know. 2) The cake is so rich with fat and sugar that it becomes a health risk, but only because it's also extremely addictive.

You'll have to make it and decide for yourself, but be warned, I hold this coffeecake responsible for some of the more-than-a-few extra pounds I carried around in junior high and high school. Later, however, it also helped me snare J., so in my case, the risk was definitely worth the reward.

Hospital Coffee Cake
(from the Willing Workers cookbook*)

1 package cake mix (You can use any flavor, but I've only used yellow; when something works that good, you don't go screwing it up.)

3/4 cup water
1/4 cup oil (I use canola oil)
3 eggs

Beat the above ingredients together and set aside. While the oven is preheating to 350 degrees, assemble the streusel filling:

1 1/2 cups crushed graham crackers (I use cinnamon grahams.)
2/3 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cup nuts (I use walnuts or pecans, whatever I have on hand.)
3/4 cup butter, melted

(This makes a generous amount of filling -- more than you really need -- so I often cut it back slightly, or put the leftovers in fridge -- it'll keep a day or two -- to use as a muffin topping.)

Pour about a third of the batter into a greased and floured cake pan, then sprinkle a third of graham cracker filling on top. Continue layering the batter and filling; when you're done, you can cut through the batter with a knife to swirl the layers, but I don't think its particularly necessary. Bake according to the directions on the cake mix package (I've made this in 8-inch rounds and a 9x13; both work well).

While the cake is still warm, drizzle it with a powdered sugar glaze (powdered sugar, a little milk, a little vanilla or lemon juice, depending on the flavor you're going for). After that, it's best to take out just a little corner to taste.**

*The Willing Workers was an extension club (similar to this) in McCook County. As I understand it, extension clubs were like 4-H clubs for adults -- they focused on education and had snacks after the meetings. Plus there were field trips. I'm not going to go into it here, but don't you just love the can-do attitude of a group of women who decided to name their club the Willing Workers? My guess is that it was some brown-noser's idea and though the rest of the women hated it, they didn't say anything lest word get out that they didn't work willingly, worked only under duress or somehow otherwise objected to work. That'd ruin a reputation for sure.

**Bear in mind a willing worker would never take a cake with a little corner cut out anywhere; so If you're planning on going to the church potluck, you'd better patch that corner with some leftover streusel and powdered sugar glaze. However, if you're not worried about gossip mongering, don't bother. Besides, any good Christian, like my mom, knows that pride cometh before a fall (i.e. forgetting to put sugar in the pumpkin pie).

II.

At some point in college, I decided I was going to lose some of those more-than-a-few extra pounds via Weight Watchers, which I'd followed on and off starting when I was 8 or so when mom and I went to meetings behind the Kmart in Sioux Falls after which she bribed me to exercise with the promise of a new Saddle Club book. (To be fair, I suspect it was a lot like herding cats.)

I have mixed feelings about WW. I'm definitely healthier because following the program taught me about proper nutrition and portion sizes, but it also inspired an obsession with numbers and how to "trick the scale" before each weigh in because that number was important. Really important. In the same way, a lot of the recipes are designed to trick the body into thinking the food is something other than it is. Fat-free cheese and the plethora of artificial sweeteners aside, there's the pumpkin-based taco dip, the bean brownies, the Guaranteed to Keep you Running (on All Four) Chocolate Bran Muffins.

So remember how the coffeecake should come with a warning label? This recipe should, too. It's a real workhorse: The main ingredient, besides the reduced-fat brownie mix, is All Bran. Three cups of it.

So what we've learned here is that three cups of All Bran have 78 grams of fiber. Don't freak out, though, the recipe makes 18-24 muffins, and that comes out to 3-4 grams of fiber apiece.

Fiber, as we know, is healthy, and, using Weight Watcher math, fiber gets you more for your buck (i.e. point). That's why the common factor in the dip, brownies and muffins is fiber; insane amounts of it. WW even puts fiber in its ice cream. Yum.

But ethical qualms aside, oh man are these muffins good. Like crack. And that can be very, very bad when your friend from college comes to visit and her toddler consumes three of them (at 4 grams of fiber each, that's practically 50 percent of an adult's daily fiber needs in one go). I never did hear how that one turned out, so I'm assuming (hoping) it wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be.

Chocolate Fiber Crack Muffins
(from my memory of a WW recipe)

1 package reduced-fat brownie mix (Betty Crocker or Krusteaze)
3 cups All Bran cereal
2 1/2 -3 cups water
1 small container (8 ounces) of fat-free yogurt (vanilla works, as does pretty much any flavor)
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon vanilla
chocolate chips, optional

Let the All Bran soak in the water for about 15 minutes; once the cereal has absorbed the water, stir in the yogurt and vanilla. Then add the brownie mix and baking powder. This recipe will make 18-24 muffins. I like to top each one with three Ghirardelli chocolate chips (60 percent cocoa), but that will up the points, if you care about such things.

Bake at 350 degrees for 22-25 minutes.

I like to eat mine with peanut butter for an after work/pre run snack.

And sometimes I eat them for dessert, with ice cream. Other times for breakfast, also with ice cream. Ice cream only adds to their healthfulness, especially if you get the fiber-enriched kind.